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Rules Of Divorce

Holt Babington Mynatt PC's Family Law attorney, Annamarie DeLovato has written the following Rules of Divorce that will explain how one should approach a Divorce.

Statistics reveal that at least half, if not more, marriages in the United States will end in divorce. Unfortunately statistics do not lie, but if you find yourself or someone else close to you faced with a pending divorce, there are a number of rules that they should follow.

Rule Number 1 - Protect The Children
The process of divorce can be absolutely devastating for the adults. Even so, parents must recognize that the process can also have a traumatizing effect on children. The number one difficulty for divorcing parents is becoming so emotionally involved in the breakup that they are not cognizant of the fact that any decision regarding the children should be made with the children's best interest in mind. Best interest of the children, what does that mean? Means that children should come first, before any of the anger or the hurt and both parents should take responsibility to ensure that their lives remain as "normal" as possible. Experts agree that children benefit the most when they have both parents involved in their lives. As such, protect your children from the process.

Rule Number 2 - Knowledge
Many partners go through their marriage ignoring money matters and upon the breakup of the marriage, find themselves devastated, not only emotionally but financially. As such, you must always be aware of the money coming in and the debt being paid out. Knowing how much money is made by you and or your spouse and what the bills are will adequately prepare you if you have to go from one household to two. It is also important to know exactly how much you and your spouse are worth - retirement and bank accounts, IRAs. Etc. Both parties in a marriage should take financial responsibility and not leave it to the other. At minimum, a basic understanding of the marital assets vs marital debts should be the primary focus.

Rule Number 3 - Identify Your Goals
Being divorced is more than about not being married anymore. It is about timesharing or visitation, child support, alimony or spousal support, division of retirement accounts and possibly the sale of assets in order to divide them equitably. It is about what you have as a married couple and what you could have as a single person. By identifying your issues and what you would like to accomplish upon your divorce, the process will be a lot less painful for you and your soon to be ex-spouse. Be prepared to discuss what you want when it is all said and done and what you are willing to live with. Your attorney will then be able to advise you how realistic your goals are and will be able to focus on the battle rather than on the war.

Rule Number 4 - Cost Of Divorce
How much does it cost to get divorced? Well, it depends. It depends on how much work is required by the circumstances. The cost of litigating a divorce matter depends solely on the parties and how difficult it is to obtain a divorce depends on how willing the parties are able to compromise. Seems ironic that compromise is a key component to divorcing cost efficiently, since compromise is a material ingredient for a successful marriage. However, compromise can keep you out of the court room and with more money in your pocket. 

Rule Number 5 - Be Creative
Being creative in a divorce means that you are willing to offer solutions rather than obstacles to obtain your divorce. Being creative means that as a parent, you realize that you will be inadvertently attached to your spouse for the rest of your children's lives.  Being creative means the giving and taking to both parties' benefit. Most importantly, being creative in a divorce means that the process will require less time and less expense and will result in less trauma and less damage.

For more information about obtaining a divorce, contact Annamarie DeLovato at 505.524.8812.